change me.

as i stood in that room, with all of those wonderful kids, singing and crying, i realized i want you in my life. i want you to change me. you brought me into this world and gave me everything i've ever wanted. i could never ask for anything more. but, i take it all for granted. i barely ever stop to thank you for everything you've done. but as joshua spoke to us, i felt your message. the hidden sins are my weakness.
"if i swear and no one hears me, there's no problem there."
"i only think this way everyone once in a while. its fine."
no. its not fine. i want you to fill me with thoughts of you. i want you to give me the strength and courage to fight against my old ways. not to care what others think about my beliefs. and not to let the hidden sins trick me.
i recommitted myself to you sunday morning. i can already tell that you're working in my life. when i kneeled on the ground in front of the pastor and asked you back into my life, i felt you. and i don't want that feeling to go away. i felt the best i've felt in forever at that moment. and talking to all of those amazing people afterwards, it made me realize that i have so much ahead of me. and that i need you there next to me to get through it. so, stay with me. please.

i spent time with my great grandmother on friday. she's one of the sweetest old ladies i know of. and she has the disease alzheimers. when i first got there, she said something that hurt more than anything.
"who are you?"
"grammy, its me. aura. your great granddaughter."
"wha-what? oh, i'm sorry. my memory isn't so great."
and it went on like that for the rest of the time i was there but after a while, she remembered my name. she just kept asking me the same questions. and told the same stories. but, i'm still glad that i got to know her. i found out some things about when she was younger. i hope she still remembers me. she remembered me two days later on out way to church. maybe it'll stick with her? i hope. i love her so much. she's so sweet and fragile. she's not gonna be around for much longer and i'm glad i took the time to get to know her better before she does go. i pray for the best for her. <3

"Please, take your time. Our past can't be taken back but, our future is still un-written. I'd like to think that at least a paragraph of story talked of a man and his daughter, sitting in a coffee shop, smiling and talking. I love you very much kid. You don't know how badly I've been wanting this."
its things like this that make me wonder. ugh.
my mom has been going crazy lately. its really starting to bother me. she constantly reminds me that woody loves me and that he would never hurt me. i know! you don't have to tell me every five seconds. and when you make it so obvious that you're worried about me replacing him, its a little insulting. i would never and could never do that. i love him way more than i will ever love mark. who i'm not even close to having that kind of affection for! that may not ever even happen. so leave me alone. and do me a favor and mind my privacy. kthanks.

my weekend with my grandparents was amazingly good. i really don't know what i'd do without them. they're like my getaway. sometimes going to friends houses is more stressful than being home. but they always make me feel so comfortable and we always have so much fun. most people don't like spending time with their grandparents but i honestly love it. i kind of want to go again this weekend. and every other weekend... idk.

things are going so well with chris. i couldn't ask for anything better. i'm so happy with him. there's no way to describe how i feel when i'm with him. its like a butterflies in you stomach/dizzy/excited/nervous feeling. but thats not even it. i've never felt that way around someone. i can't help but smile when i see him. and when i hug him, i take in every moment of it. he squeezes me harder and i feel my heart skip a beat. he's so amazing. i'm really starting to fall for him more and more. i hope he feels the same way.

kyle frederick leafe. that kid is so amazing. he always tries to cheer me up. i can't explain how comfortable i am talking to him. he's so trustable. and he listens better than anyone i know. he doesn't joke when i'm upset. he takes me seriously. i seriously love him a ton. i can already tell he's gonna be such a great friend for the next three years, if not more.

no panic attacks lately. just nightmares. whatever. i need to get over these things.

well, until next time. goodbye.

come and move.
come and move in me.
come and move.
come and move in me.
<3